Are you the type of person that thrives on excitement? Are you the kinda guy (or girl) that loves a challenge? Are you slightly masochistic? If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions then you, my friend, should try traveling the world with a kid (or two or three)!
People often ask me why I travel with my kids. I’m not really sure if it’s because they are just curious or if it’s because they are concerned for my sanity. Either way, I sat down and thought about it and came up with a list. So without further ado, here are the reasons why I travel with my kids and why you should too (travel with your kids, that is, not mine… although you can totally borrow mine for a week or so if you want)!
1. A pack mule is your spirit animal. Do you dream of laying on the beach in your bikini with nothing but a Mojito in your hand? Ew! Me either! I’d much rather shove my mom-pooch into a “figure-flattering” ruched one-piece while I carry a baby in a car-seat, a toddler, a six-year-old’s hand, towels, buckets, shovels, a picnic basket full of snacks, a cooler full of drinks, hats, sunscreen, diapers, wipes, water shoes, Hot-Wheels cars, an umbrella, a camera and car keys. Sure, son, I can definitely hold your sunglasses too! I know you aren’t holding anything else and you can clearly see I’ve got my hands full, but I wouldn’t want you to have to strain your delicate little wrist, now would I? That’s right, just balance it precariously on top of the cooler while we try to cross the street without getting hit by a truck… Good times!
2. You think looking at historic landmarks for a duration of more than 3 seconds is overrated. Oh, look, the Parthe – Jonah, don’t chew on that leaf – non. Oh, look, you can see the whole city from – Nate, stop throwing rocks over the castle wall you’re going to hit somebody in the head and kill them – up here! You know that the only way to truly appreciate the wonders of the world is to realize that life is short and that this 3-second glance is all the time you will get to enjoy what’s before you before your children run away and/or injure themselves and/or destroy a famous building that’s stood for hundreds of years – until it met your horrific offspring. Ah, building mem’ries!
3. You can finally compete with those “crunchy moms”. Did you know that every time you bottle feed a baby a crunchy mom dies? Don’t worry, it’s okay, all you have to do is clap your hands three times and say “I don’t believe in vaccines” and they’ll come back to life. No longer do you have to deal with feelings of inferiority for clearly not loving your child as much as a crunchy mom does because you don’t use cloth diapers! If you travel the world with kids, the next time a crunchy mom gives you a dirty look for feeding your child a chicken nugget you can respond with “Oh, believe me, I know this is basically a gluten-covered dog turd – it’s nothing at all like the chicken nuggets we fed our children in Paris, don’t you agree? Oh, you haven’t taken your children to Paris? I see.” (Insert smug stare here). Now they feel guilty and inferior! See how I turned that around? Bam!
4. You love being broke. You know that feeling when you’ve paid off all your debt, you’ve built up a good emergency fund and you’re making solid monthly contributions to your Roth IRA? Blech! Like, sooooo annoying, right?! Even the Bible says that money is the root of all evil, so it’s pretty much your Christian duty to get to spendin’!
“Money is bad.” – God
Aw, bummer, I found a great deal on flights – it’s only $200 to fly from Europe to the US. But wait! I’ve got 5 people in my family, so now I get to spend $1,000! Plus, lets add some baggage fees for all the crap my family has to bring everywhere it goes. YES!!! Just have some kids so you can multiply all your travel expenses by 5 and money will disappear from your bank account as fast as Oreos do from my pantry when I’m pregnant (that’s pretty much lightning speed, BTW)
5. Mario Kart was your favorite game as a child. Didn’t you just love swerving all over the road to avoid obstacles, listening to the catchy sound effects and music while being shot with turtle shells? Well, now that you’re traveling with kids you can relive your favorite childhood game! Except now the obstacles are real-life 5-hour traffic jams, the music is “The Wheels on the Bus” 18,000 times in a row, the sound effects are a screaming baby and arguing preschoolers (don’t worry, you can hardly hear them over the sound of your own sobbing), and the turtle shell is a sippy cup flying at your head! Awesome!
6. You want your children to see the good and the beautiful in the world. This is it. I know we’ve been having fun till now, but this is the real reason we travel with our kids. The more we travel the more we realize that people everywhere are more similar than they are different, there are more good people than there are bad, and that if you look hard enough you can find something positive in almost every place and situation. You should travel the world with children to teach them that the world is bigger than the little corner that they are used to. You should travel the world with children to show them that no matter where you go in life your family will keep you safe and try to help you have fun. You should travel the world with children so they will appreciate coming home. Even though it can be a challenging and scary, you should travel the world with children to show them that working as a team and being brave can help them get to the places that most other people never have a chance to see.
Have you traveled with children? WHY, please tell me WHY(?!?!?) you would do such a thing in the comment section below!